Mentor Spotlight: Sue Bartz
A year and a half into their relationship, Sue Bartz has noticed a lot of growth in her mentee *Karis.
“Karis, until very recently, refused to read,” Sue says. “We tried several things and we didn’t get very far with them. But at the library we found this series called Elephant and Piggie, which is an incredible series. It’s very humorous, and it’s 2-7 words a page, so very simple, but there is a good storyline.
Then I saw the children’s theater had a play of Elephant and Piggie! So I told her we would have a special date and I bought us tickets. Mom got her all dressed up and we made a really big deal out of it.
In this play they took sections from different books and acted them out. The whole time she’d sit next to me and go ‘Oh, I’ve read this one! I’ve read this one! I know all about this!’
She was very excited that she could read and there was something bigger in reading than just her. Since then her desire to read has been much better.”
Their relationship has also been a great example of how mentoring can be different than just having a friendship with a kid. Being a mentor can sometimes come with more responsibility that leads to challenging a child, and Sue has done an excellent job in that area.
In the beginning of the relationship, Karis spent a lot of time exploring the boundaries to see what Sue would put up with. Like many kids her age, a favorite pastime of Karis’s was to ask for things… over and over again.
Sue’s parenting experience, and common sense that giving in to every request can do more harm than good, helped her to set firm boundaries.
She says that “Eventually I said to her, ‘[Karis] do you want to trust me?’ And she said ‘Yes, I want to trust you.’ So I said ‘Then you need to know that when I say no it means no and when I say yes it means yes.’ And she stopped asking, and we had a great time after that.”
“When I say no it means no and when I say yes it means yes.”
Karis’s response to the boundaries set has not been frustration, but relaxation.
Sue realized that with boundaries in place, their relationship has been able to open up so much more.
“She seems to be okay with the boundaries because she keeps coming back for more,” Sue says. “I’m surprised how excited she still is about wanting to be with me even though she knows she is not going to get everything she wants. She knows there are rules she has to follow at my house that she thinks are strange. I am saying no to her a lot, and yet she always wants to be with me, she always gives me hugs, she wants to be over here all the time.”
Sue and Karis’s relationship shows some very tangible ways in which mentoring can be helpful to kids. Being a steady friend and a good example makes a difference in more ways than we can ever know.
Karis* all dressed up for the Elephant & Piggie performance. Photo submitted by Sue.
